Unnatached
by naru-chan13
Summary: femNaruto fic and a timetravel to boot. You know the drill. Now, starting over, what will Naruto do. I don't mean from the age of five or twelve. I mean the very beginning. What now. Especially since her mental stability is worse for wear then Garra's.
1. Chapter 1

1naru-chan13: yo

sasuke: ANOTHER STORY what. The. Hell. Is. Wrong. With. You.

naru-chan13: Can't pronounce it so...

sasuke: I'm not saying it -.-

naru-chan13: Fine... PLAN B!

sasuke:?

neji: naru-chan13 doesn't own anything. Fate is a cruel mistress

sasuke: why would you WILLINGLY do that

:naruto walks in, in a bikini:

naruto: Neji-kun come on. I thought we were going to the beach?

sasuke: O.O oh HELL no.

:sasuke grabs naruto and runs away with, neji following close by:

naruto: Wahh! GARRA!

:sasuke and neji trip and garra walks in, helps naruto up and leaves with her to get ice cream .:

naru-chan13: SUGAR HIGH!

Naruto, we all knew him. The trouble making kid. The twelve year old prankster. The most surprising knucklehead ninja. The brat that put his life in danger more then any other. The demon brat. Kyubii's vessel. The future Hokage. Hated by most and, kept close by others.

Our favorite little ninja, dead. Yes dead and, not only that but, by those 'others' spoken so fondly about before. Killed by his closest of friends. Not physically but emotionally they had destroyed him. Never did any of them look underneath the underneath and, even if they did, they would push the thought aside.

Our little Naruto is the happiest person on Earth. He's too stupid to be sad, give him a cup ramen and he's happy. There are two things wrong there. One, Naruto is, or rather was far from happy and two, he is a she.

Yes, Naruto is a girl. What would you expect? A village obsessed with hating a single being to comfort themselves with a tragedy and using her as a way to vent their anger for every other little thing. Getting demoted, blame Naruto, dog dies, blame Naruto, bad weather, blame Naruto. They already hated her, the last thing she needs is to get raped.

And now, sitting atop the Hokage monument was an empty shell. Our little Naruto. The entire week everyone was mean to her. The villagers, she knew and expected them. Her friends, to some extent she figured but not like this. Running away whenever she came by, whispering about her when they knew she would hear, and of corse who could forget just two hours ago, at the ramen stand. HER sanctuary, of all places. AND they told her to meet them there.

The things they said. The same as what the villagers always said. Idiot, brat. Not so bad but, it just got worse. Dumb ass, weakling, dead last. Nothing she never heard before. Then the gloves came off. Worthless, waste of space, _demon._ That was it. She lost sight of everything.

So she did what she always did when confronted with a problem like this. She pulled up the ever breaking mask and ran. Sad. She passed Kakashi-sensei as she ran. Hell, she bumped into him. And what does he do. Shrugs it off and keeps walking. AND none of them even knew she was a girl! The ones closest to her never say her falling. But the villagers did. They always did. And they were always there to add salt to the wound. Tonight no different.

It was as if they had planned it. There they were, lining up on the side of the street. Screaming, cursing, throwing whatever they could get their hands on. Even with everything happening, the loudest thing that night was the laughing. It was always the laughing.

No one showed up to help. They rarely did. Tonight. I knew no one would come. They did too. The villagers got more bold and started to give chase. I ran to the one place I loved best. The only place where I truly could love Konoha. The top of the Hokage memorial. Funny, I tripped as soon as I made it to the top. I could feel kunai digging into my skin. Yeah, some ninjas were helping them again.

I don't know what provoked me to go out today. I should have known better. I guess I just got cocky. Well, about an hour now and the villagers are leaving, planning what they'll do to me next time. I smile. Yeah, I don't know why but it feels weird. I know it will be great. The biggest surprise ever. I am the most surprising ninja for a reason. What's the surprise?

There won't be a next time. They don't know but, I had a special mission just recently. I killed Ochimaru. Yes I KILLED Ochimaru. I was hard and I was half dead when I got back. Even found a way to get rid of the cursed seals on Sasuke and Anko. Only Tsunade knows. She was going to announce it later. She was going to show up at the ramen stand and tell everyone. Surprise, surprise.

I'm starting to get dizzy. I start to crawl to the Yodome's head. Probably a funny sight to see a seventeen year old crawl. Anyway, I make it and I'm still smiling. I look on and I get really sad. My beautiful illusion of Konoha has been tainted. I feel my genjutsu slip but I don't care. I just want to sleep. Sleep and know I don't have to worry anymore. Never again.

naru-chan13: Sorry it's short -

but review anyway

cause...

YOU LOVE ME! BWAHAHA! 0.0


	2. Chapter 2

1naru-chan13:... I'm bored...

sasuke: idiot

naru-chan13: too tired to piss off people... oh fuck it! Go for it naruto

naruto: YEAH:blows a whistle and fangirls start to chase sasuke:

Don't own nothing

_WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE ROOKIE NINE AND... THE PEOPLE WE CARE ABOUT_

Today would be a memorable day, they could just feel it. For the last week they had been waiting and planning for this day. We had a few close calls though. The look on Naruto's face when we ran away from him was priceless.

He really is an idiot, you know. We've been working hard, not only planning all this crap but, also keeping it a secret from the baka. Sometimes, we'd see him walking down the street and we just couldn't help but talk about the surprise. All I know is he had better appreciate this.

Naruto just got back. We haven't seen him in two days which, made things easier. Not having to run off in the middle of things and the lot. It will be amazing. Even Garra and his siblings were working with us.

(Us being sasuke, sakura, ino, shikamaru, choji, shino, hinata, kiba, amikamaru, tenten, lee, neji, garra, temari, and kankuro.)

When we saw the dobe yesterday we told him to meet us at the ramen shop at ten. Everyone was excited and started cursing Naruto for not being here yet. Even though he wasn't late yet and, we all knew he would be late. After awhile the people working at the shop began giving us dirty looks. Sure, at first we thought we were imagining things but about an hour into waiting and, names he snapped at us.

"HEY! Sorry kiddies but I think it would be best if you left now. AND I'd appreciate it if you didn't come around here anymore." They could here the waitress mumble about time, or something.

We were pissed. We told him we were waiting for our friend Naruto. He has the gull to say, you could've fooled me. Just then Tsunade, Jiraiya and Kakashi appear.

"Where is Naruto?" She asks

"We told the dobe to get here a good hour and a half ago. Idiot probably forgot."

"Actually," Kakashi started, gaining everyone's attention "I saw him run off two hours ago, give or take. Looked like he came from here."

Then Ayame, the waitress spoke up "Naruto-kun probably heard those awful things you said about him and ran off."

"The dobe knows we're only joking" we retorted.

"That's the problem. I bet you he took it to heart. He's the type to do so."

"Well-" Tsunade started to speak again but was cut off when Anko rushed in.

At this point everything was going so fast. Tsunade screaming, something about a bad joke and running out. We all followed and the next thing we saw would haunt us forever. Upon the hokage monument was a blond haired girl. She just sat there staring at us with a sad smile. She looked so... broken and at the same time so relieved.

We tried to get her attention but she just kept staring. We all ignored Tsunade's sobs. There was a festival tonight so we ended up attracting quite a crowd. Tsunade then screamed. Yelling at everyone to leave. We did. All going home, thinking up ways to get Naruto for blowing everything we planned.

The next day everyone was called to a meeting. As in the entire village. Tsunade began to tell us the story about Kyubii. She told us that it was a lie and that Kyubii was actually sealed in Naruto. Then she told us of the hell that Naruto has endured, at least as much of it that she was aware of.

We were all furious at the villagers for the way they treated Naruto and ourselves for how we treated him. Then Tsunade began to speak again. She told how Naruto went on a solo mission. How he killed Ochimaru single handedly. How he found aa cure for the cursed seal. How he was actually a SHE! And last but not least. How Naruto Uzimaki was killed by the villagers of Konoha the night before. On her birthday.

All was quiet except for Tsunade and the Konohamaru corps cries. Sakura tried to comfort Konohamaru he snapped at her. He screamed "DON'T CALL ME THAT AWFUL NAME! I HATE IT! I HATE ALL OF YOU! I DON'T WANT TO PROTECT YOU LIKE NEE-CHAN DID ANYMORE! I HOPE YOU ALL ROT I HELL!" he was still a child. Even though he was a child, nobody could disagree with what he had said.

That day would never be forgotten. The day a hero was born, and was lost. The day the Sasuke, Neji and Garra cried. The day when Hinata went on a cursing rant. The day the villagers became disgusted with themselves. And day they wished had never happened.

naru-chan13: YEAH! It's 10:32 and I wrote chappie 2

. YAY ME!


	3. Chapter 3

1naru-chan13: yes, my story rocx as do I

rookie nine: YOU KILLED NARUTO! YOU BASTARD!

naru-chan13: Thank-you, thank-you very much

everyone else: ...bitch

naru-chan13: didn't know amikamaru had a sex change... anyway I own nothing

OH! And this chappie will have humor in it sice you all must be tired or crying.

NEVER FEAR THE CRYING CHAPPIES WILL BE BACK!

Everything was quiet. I tried to speak and well, I don't really know. If it made a sound I couldn't hear it. It was also really quiet. I couldn't hear it anymore. The yelling, the names... The laughing. The laughing always got to me the most. I guess that's what happens when you're a demon vessel. They (the demons) are always laughing at you. Once, when I was little I asked the old man about it. He then started to cry and gave me some medicine to make me feel better. To drown out the laughing. I later found out they were antidepressant pills.

I stopped taking them when I was seven. It (kyubii) just stopped one day. Guess it had to do with the whole, me not trying to kill the villagers thing. As Shikamaru would say, "it would be too troublesome."

You know, I always knew I'd die on my birthday. The villagers always celebrate first, get good and drunk and then come out looking for me. That, or the capture me a few days before so they don't have to look to long. It's funny. My secret, the one that I was a girl. I always planned on takeing it to the grave with me. Looks like I did it. They can have that hollow husk. Study it, mutilate the body, fuck it I don't care. No matter what they do, they will never know the true Naruto Uzimaki.

And it's still dark. I feel numb, but not any numbness. It's sort of like when Sasuke shoved the chidori through my chest. I guess I really did almost die. Doesn't matter. This feeling. It's so strange. Here all my senses are useless. The darkness, the isolation... I love it. If this is death then I welcome it... but now, I am bored.

Nothing is happening here. I try to move, to feel something. Then I understand. Everything is blank, dull, and just... bleak. So now I pull on the mask I always wore and. I let go. I drop it. I allow it to shatter and now. I feel a chill. The next thing I know there are cries of pain and agony. They overlap one another and look around.

It would seem my sight has chosen to return to me now. What I see now, endless beings, distorted figures desperately jerking about to grab a hold of something. Anything. I stare and desided. I don't care.

Along the group, I observed some figures that I decided once was Haku. Not far off from him was Zabuza. Even Kabuto and Ochimaru, both who had been reduced to the state as all else around. I chuckle a little. Yeah, I found this funny. Even in death I was an outcast.

Then I saw him. Shikigami. I would never forget... Him? Her?... it?

Anyway even after all these years I wouldn't forget something like that, that caught my interest. No, I was preoccupied when the Third summoned him so, where had I seen him before?

Try the day I was born. Yeah, I have a photographic memory. Take it as you will, but for me it adds to my hell.

So now, here I am having a stare down with the so called god of death. And there goes my attention span. Oh, no. I got an idea. So, I'm me so I just gotta do whatever the hell pops into my head. I'm not an idiot, I'm just bored and I do what I want. So I float over to shikigami, since it seems walking is out of the question. Lazy bastard. Anyway I float up and tried my idea.

Seems shikigami is a guy. No I didn't grab him, I just kicked his nuts O.O which, apparently he has. I'm not stupid but really, what's the worst thing he can do? I'm already dead... I think. Still didn't get a confirmation on that tibit of info.

And now it's official. I am the only one in the room crying in pain or whatever. Oh, looks like shikigami is back up. I just stare at him and the next thing I know, I'm falling. So I look around. Sky, clouds, more clouds some dude in a dress... What? I'm not freaked or anything. I'm over it after the Haku thing and, Tsunade had us do some undercover missions so no big. Oh, and Sasuke is self-conscious when it comes to him in a dress... Some interesting times. -.-

Anyway, mack to Mr. In the man-skirt. I'm bored again... Let's see... yep, defiantly a guy.

What? I have no morals. The guy didn't seem that amused but, there were laughs from behind him. The only thought going through my head was 'TOGA PARTY!'O.O

Nice right. OH! They're talking.

"Hello Naruto" A very beautiful woman began. I am not a lesbian. Though, I'm not sure if I'm entirely straight either. I've never really bothered with the whole dating thing. And as for the Sakura thing, it was apart of my mask. OH! They're waiting for me to talk.

"Hi... So am I dead or what?" She looked thoughtful for a bit. Yep, we got ourselves a bimbo here.

"Yes you are dead but, I bet you're wondering who we are." Not at all.

"Not at all. Didn't cross my mind for a minuet and truthfully, I couldn't care less." . yep! That's me. The all look funny, like fish. Guess this is what happens when yo die after years of forcing yourself to be something your not.

"You" here it comes, lay it on me sucka! "Are so CUTE!" the hell that come from. "You, my dear are my new favorite." still lost. Maybe little miss perky is a pedofile. Either way, this is not something/someone you want to deal with first thing after death... Unless your Ero-sannin.

"So..."

"Ignore her. You" some dude pointed at me. "Are starting over."

"Why?" I understand exactly what's happening... I just want to see if I can piss off a god... If I haven't already, which I probably have but still...

"To have a better life."

"Why?"

"To enjoy yourself and not die at such an early age."

"Why?"

"Because you weren't supposed to."

"Why?"

"Because the villagers were supposed to treat you like a hero from day one and only just now did we find out what was happening."

"Why?"

"We got drunk."

"Why?"

"We like wine"

"Why?"

"**SHUT THE FUCK UP! I CAN'T TAKE IT DAMMIT! I'M ONLY IMMORTAL**"

Well, needless to say I laughed my ass of but then I stopped suddenly. They all gave me weird looks but I ignored them. I laughed a little and stopped again. The laughing. I had always hated it and here I am laughing. After hearing myself laugh. I decided I didn't like it. I decided I didn't really my voice either. When I was young whenever I tried to speak I always ended up getting hurt.

I already proved in that weird place that senses and emotions aren't necessary to live. Guess this is what you get when you have no childhood. Oh well. Guess my sense of humor has been mutilated over the years. -.-

"Will I keep my memory?" I asked the gods before me. My voice was monotone with no emotion, and it must not have been what they expected cause they looked at me strangely.

"Um, yes."

"Then lets begin whatever preparations we must now."

"Yeah, just step through this portal and it will begin." They looked quiet strange. None would look the other in the eye and they kept shuffling around. Not that I care. I learned the hard way. Garra was right. The only thing that anyone should worry or care about is themselves. So I stepped through the portal and here I am. A new born baby, soon to be vessel of Kyubii. This time, I'm setting some ground rules.


	4. Chapter 4

1naru-chan13: chemistry is a bitch

naruto: didn't you get a 100 on your last quiz though?

naru-chan13: It's still annoying and kept me from writing another chapter

naruto: EVIL!

Do not own anything

Well now... this is awkward. Yeah, I was just born and, it hurt. I'm leaving it at that. Fricken weird too. And to add to the random crap everyone in the room is alive. I was told my mother died in child birth while in reality she is cursing up a storm next to me. You may be thinking 'oh! Naruto's going to have a family and she'll be happy' and all other types of bullshit.

I stopped wishing for a mother after my twenty-eighth caretaker tried to nock me off. That was back when I was five. Also, I have gone through just about every medic in the village. I don't forget a face and I have never seen any of these people before in my life. If you are wondering 'why doesn't she remember if she has a photographic memory?'

Well, I was asleep. (anime fall) Get over it. I always screw up important things like that. Personally, I blame the pills.

And back to the WAY too happy occupants of the room. Well, the medics are smiling like idiots, some ninja guards are congratulating my mother and my mother herself... HOLY SHIT SHE'S AN UCHIHA!

... HOLY SHIT I'M AN UCHIHA!

... Well damn... This sucks.

This is just plain weird. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm not an U-

"OH MY GOD! MY BABY HAS ALREADY ACTIVATED THE SHARINGAN!"

There goes that theory. Let's see. Relax and-

"And now it's gone..."

"Momo maybe you should relax?" So, her name's Momo... I'm bored again. Let's see. White bed, whit walls, white ceiling, some dude with a sound headband and a kunai... so that's how they die. Uh oh. One of our guards saw what I was looking at. Dammit, he signaled to everyone in the room... This sucks.

Or not. Seems our guards are mentally retarded. They just jumped at the sound nin and left me and Momo open. Just as I thought. More nins came through the window... I wonder what would happen if I died already? What I'm really curious about is what would happen if I killed the nins. I'm still just as strong and I still have the same chakra capasity. How? It is a life force. It is my life, just think of it as a continuation.

Might as well pay attention to the fight. Lets see. Guard #1 fought with taijutsu. Eventually, killed the sound nin. Guard #2 died five minuets ago... Idiot. The medics are either dead or dying. As for Momo and I... She's mumbling something and then sprung up with me in hand. She actually jumped out the window.

Yep. It's October 10. Hell, I can see Kyubii from here. And here come's the Forth to take me away to seal Kyubii.

"Momo-koi! How are you? Why aren't you in the hospital?"... You know what? Fuck it. Nothings going to surprise me at this point.

"We were attacked you IDIOT!" -.- ...damn. Meanwhile, Arashi summoned a fairly large frog.

"Koi, get on. He'll take you to safety but..." He's starring at me. Oh whatever could he want I wonder.

"I know... Be carful." Interesting. Wonder if she'll die in the crossfire. Note to self: Kill Orochimaru in five to ten years... I could do it now but I'm lazy and well... A baby so... yeah.

So here I am, in my supposed father's hands. Funny. The two most respectable clans and I ended up the demon brat outcast. I wonder if anyone noticed I haven't spoken, cried, or laughed or anything. And I'm the idiot here... sad.

'THAR SHE BLOWS!... he...' yep. Like I said before. I have a mutilated sense of humor. And soon I'll get to play with Kyu-chn... oh yes this shall be fun... I just realized something... what will happen when I see shikigami? I wonder if he'll be close enough to me for me to be able to kick him in the-

"IT ENDS NOW KYUBII!" and so, Kyubii was sealed, Arashi died and Shikigami was limping from a certain... incident :)

TIMEBREAKTIMEBREAKTIMEBREAK... yeah

So now... It's been a year since everything has started and I'm living with Momo in an apartment. Turns out my mother was arranged to marry some Uchiha prick. What's really weird is that she is only related to the Uchiha clan through adoption. You know, blood bonds and crap. Who woulda thought? And now they despise her but, more so me.XD

I am happy to say that I found a way to become even stronger then I was before my death. Which i already am so... yeah. Anyway, Kyu-chan was happy to oblige... well, by happy to oblige I mean not suffer through Barney snd that type of crap. It was either train me or I watch Teletubies and let's just say Kyu-chan has issues with them. It seems all demons do. But I don't blame him. That purple one is a fricken child molester and everyone knows it.

Anyway... Happy birthday demon brat. Yep, that is what Momo said to me. She blaims me for Arashi's death. I don't care. I could have prevented a hell ova lot of crap but... I don't care. And, if your wondering why I call Momo and Arashi by their names its because I don't like them. To me they are on the same plain as the villagers were. Yeah, were. No, the villagers aren't nice, or civil for that matter but they aren't the same. I'm not the only one who started over. I'm just the only one who knows it.

Momo is getting herself super drunk again AND she's taking a bunch of antidepressant pills. Must be planning something. Oh. She's talking again... something about, 'why couldn't it be that thing' guess she means me. Uh-oh. She's going into the closset-O-stuff-to-hurt-Naruto-with. This will be annoying. It's not something that horrible, really. It's just annoying that she won't stop until she's sure it will leave a scar. Yup, a scar and lets just say I have many a scar.

Well, this one was weird... She spent a longer time on this one. It's on my back and I think it's cause she was drunk cause it's probably more of a tattoo then anything else. Don't know what it looks like cause... IT'S ON MY BACK DAMMIT!

And here comes the villagers. Of corse the villagers... I wonder if they are going to kill Momo, me or attenmpt to give me the wisker scars like in my last life. Yeah, I wasn't born with the things. Oh crap. They're drunk...

THE HELL! IT'S THE UCHIHA'S! ...

THE UCHIHA'S GOT DRUNK!

... if I didn't hate laughing so much I'd be laughing my ass off right now...

This won't end well.

naru-chan13: HA... will update soon cross my heart and hope to die

sasuke: You have no heart, you sold your soul on e-bay and your life is worthless

naru-chan13:NU-UH! I couldn't figure it out so I never did get to sell my soul so HAH!

every else: ...-.-

REVIEW!!!


	5. Chapter 5

1naru-chan13: ello ma duckies!

sasuke: shit... so thats where the sake went

naru-chan13: **I DON'T DRINK DAMMIT!**

sasuke: bitch

naru-chan13: I realized I didn't torture you last chappie... SAKURA SASUKE WANTS YOU TO BARE HIS CHILD!

:sakura and a bunch of sakura looks alike's run in and chase sasuke around:

DON'T OWN NOTHING!!!

Well, I bet your all wondering what's happened to me. I didn't die but let's say I now give Ibiki a run for his money when it comes to scars and induing torture. AND I AM ONLY ONE FUCKING YEAR OLD! Sad huh?

Seems like someone from the Uchiha clan will always try to kill me. Also, nobody but the Uchiha's know I'm an Uchiha. Momo had 'volunteered' to watch me so when someone comes to check up on us it will be like she's the victim. Speaking of which, I think I hear the old man coming. This should be interesting.

"Hello! Momo, it's me. I came to wish Naruto a happy birthday..." He knocks on the dorr and of corse, it falls off it's hinges. Now the old man is imitating a trout... Or Kisma. Or both... That reminds me. Note to self: Kill Ansuki (or whatever it's called) except for Itachi just to piss Sasuke off. (sasuke: HEY!) "My god." They aren't that great. I have been meeting with them in my dreams since I was born and I COULD live without them... Technically though I'd still be dead without them but still.

"Hokage-sama, is there a problem." Hey, it Iruka! The hell he doing here? I'm no mind reader... I could be but then my mind would be tainted if I ran into... Well, just abot any male in Konoha. They are all perverts... Pretty funny when I found the old man's stash of Icha Icha Paradise though.

"Don't come in Iruka, your still young. You shouldn't have to see something like this." And I do? Damn, when's the old man gonna take me out of here. I practically swimming in my own blood. OH! And if your wondering what the Uchiha's did then here it is.

They raped Momo in front of me (though it looked like she enjoyed it more then the raper :shiver:), gave me those whisker scars, and the usual beat me half dead. Momo was still alive when they left but now she is not. How? Let's read her note that was so graciously left on the wall in MY blood.

'I can't bare being near that thing any longer so I'm taking my life before that THING does'

I shuddered. Not because of the note but because I was from her. Ew.

"This is truly s sad day, isn't it Naruto." And FINALLY, he picks me up. On our way out I see Iruka. He looks at me and at my state and says something that, as I have said/thought before. If I didn't hate laughing I'd be laughing my ass off.

"Sir, I thought Naruto was a boy?" XD

The old man gave Iruka a weird look then looked at me. Then back to Iruka and then he started to chuckle, continuing on to the Hokage's ofice. "You really are full of surprises aren't you Naruto?" He actually tried to tickle me. Sad.

And NOW he notices I didn't respond. It took them a year after my birth to realize my gender and that I didn't react to... anything? Yeah, anything sounds about right. Oh well, he continued on to his office non the less.

Once we got there he called a bunch of his private medics to look at me. They all looked stupid, realizing I was a girl. Even funnier when they saw all the scars I had. One medic 'accidentally' cut me and it healed instantly with no scar. Well now they knew. And their reactions were hilarious! Some stared, others started to shake and one of them puked. They were all like, WTF O.O

AND I found out what was on my back. Ama (Bitch). That's what it said. Right in the middle of my back on my spine. They looked sad... OH ME WELL!

"I don't know how this happened. I'm so sorry Naruto." And I'm sorry that you think a one year old baby would understand you. "I won't let anyone hurt you ever again." That sounds familiar. "Iruka, I want you to take Naruto to Anko and Ibiki and tell them that they, along with yourself are to watch after Naruto until further notice. I need to have a word with the council."

YAY! ONWARD TO THE TORTURE AND INTERROGATION DEPARTMENT! It was funny to watch their reactions to the news... Not really. They didn't really care... That is, before they saw my scars.

Iruka explained how I just healed when the medic accidentally cut me and how it left no scar. Anko asked what happened to Momo and when Iruka told her how she hung herself she was pissed.

"That bitch should have been sent to me. I haven't been able to play with anyone in a long while now. Ibiki had noticed how Iruka had flinched when Anko said bitch and so, he showed them my back. It probably had a bunch of other scars on it but the found the Kanji, still fresh.

Lets just say Anko left the room pissed and came back with a huge grin. Ibiki looked over to her, then sat down in a chair.

"I don't even want to know but, I know your going to tell me anyway. Iruka, you may want to sit down... And hand me Naruto... You'll most likely lose your breakfast after hearing this." Iruka complied and I have to say. Anko is very creative. What she do? She had some fun with a prisoner they were going to deal with later... (rather not scar you all for life then I already did so not telling what she did other then a few of the limbs and the such no longer connected to the man) That and Ibiki was right. Iruka did lose his breakfast.

TWO DAYS LATER

And now I'm bored. What do you expect? I'm stuck in the body of a baby. Oh well, I did keep myself busy by sleeping/training. So, about now I should be able to destroy the world... Don't worry, that's plan B. Plan A is to kill everyone that I despise with blinded fury. So far that list is the Atsuki (or whatever that clouded cloak group are called), Orochimaru, any sound nin that pisses me off, Garra's **dad **cause he's a pussy (NOT GARRA. Garra's cool), and Mizuki cause he is also a pussy.

HEY the old man's back. Oh, he looks nervous.

"Everything has been decided." That's it! Everything makes perfect sense! The chicken DID come before the egg! (-.-What?-.-)

"So what's going on Hokage-sama?" Oh, Anko is being respectful... IT'S THE APOCALYPSE! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

"I, unfortunately can not look after Naruto for obvious reasons so I need to find someone dependable or..." He got quiet. Nothing good can come from that. "or Naruto will be exiled from the village and no contact with her will be allowed."

"WHAT!?" what are they, deft.

"It gets worse, no ninja is allowed to adopt her." Hello woods here I come!

"DAMMIT THIS ISN'T FAIR!"

"Your preaching to the choir sister." opps. Did I say that out loud... Well they're all starring at me so, I'll take it as a yes. "Uh, hi?" Iruka just passed out. Funny.

SKIPPING NARUTO'S EXPLANATION AND

SHE DIDN'T TELL THEM SHE"S AN UCHIHA

"So your-"

"Yup."

"And we all-"

"Uh-huh."

"My god." Again, they aren't that great. "Naruto, what now? What do you think?"

"Leave me in the middle of the forest. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself and, there are a few things I would like to take care of." the third looked like he was about to disagree so I thought I'd make things easier. "I'll to come back and make so the elders will beg me to stay. I know how they work and I can manipulate them quite easily. I promise you this, and I nwever break a promise." He looked relieved.

"Five years. That's all I'm giving you."

"Deal on one condition."

"Whatever it is I except." shouldn't have done that. Oh well, he'll learn.

"I refuse to serve as a ninja of Konoha." They looked only slightly surprised but I don't really care. It seems I don't care for much nowadays. Well, except for my own amusement.

Oh well, ONWARD TO SANO (the village hidden in the sand... I think)

naru-chan13: That's all for now... where's sasuke?

naruto: hiding... somewhere

naru-chan13: That helps...

Review!


	6. Chapter 6

naru-chan13: YEAH!

naruto: figle-fagle .

Eveyone: the hell?

naruto: ... sasuke went to mexico to avoid rape :teartear:

naru-chan: Oh no he didn't :walks into nearby closset and shuts door. Soon after strange sounds and lights can be heard and seen coming from inside:

sasuke:just walked into room: ... do I want to know?

lee: naruto told naru-chan13 how sasuke went off to mexico to escape gang rape via fang girl cults

sasuke:O.O naruto, why?

naruto: ... all the fangirls went to mexico and they had been annoying me lately. It all happened after they read naru-chan13's idea's for later chappies.

naru-chan13: THAT WAS A SECRET! Anyway... I didn't really WRITE anything else yet...

Everyone else: what were you doing in there?

naru-chan13:GRIN:

everyone else: ...never mind

DON'T OWN NOTHING

So now, here's the our hero... A one year old baby exiled from her village after a cruel beating headed to meet up with a certain vessel.

(The villagers think she's a he except maybe some Uchiha... but they don't count)

That was when I remembered... I'm a one year old baby with the power to destroy and/or create whatever the hell I want and I'm WALKING! That, and the fact that Garra's not alive yet...

(details details. What cha gonna do?)

So, I use a transportation jutsu and am now at the door of the kage of the sand... Guess I'll have to wait five years before I get to kill the pussy. You know, till he makes Garra's uncle to attempt the who 'suicide bomber' thing.

(Technically it was explosive notes but still)

TIME SKIP CAUSE NO BODY CARES HOW NARUTO BS'ED HER WAS THREW FIVE YEARS!

Today's the day. I just know it. Should be pretty hard for Garra to take but he'll be fine. I had befriended him and Shukaku, being the stupid and weak demon that he is answers only to me... And Garra for the most part. OH! And even though Garra can sleep he still is the one, the only, PANDA MAN!

(Inner-naru-chan13:HELLYEAH!)

He also trusts his siblings more... Let's see... Sun's over there, it's a Sunday... I think... so-fivefourthreetwoone-BOOM! There we go... I guess I should help... '**It would be the right thing to do kit**' that, was Kyubii. 'Thanks for the insight kyu-chan' and so- I walk away in the opposite direction.

TIME SKIP-THREE HOURS LATER (what?)

So I found Garra and he's about to kill his father. I jumped down and he stops instantly, rushing to my side and he breaks down crying... Funny, I'm the emotionless one and he's the reck. Everyone else is staring at me like I grew an extra head. Then, they all get really happy and start to cheer. I had been there for five years and never spoke to anyone but Garra... And one other person who, I'm hoping I can trust. They all think I'm deft and mute. Guess it's time to start the surprises again.

"Why are you cheering?" and now they look like fish.

"Yo-y-you" O.O

"Spoke? Which, apparently you can't." they all cringed at my voice. As Kyu-chan would put it, it was empty and cold.

"How?" the kage spoke this time. I turned, now facing him and answered.

"You don't know how to speak? Seems Sano is facing hard times." What can I say, I'm a smart ass.

"How did you control the demon like you did?" I didn't answere. Instead I walked up to him and pulled him down to my level. When he was finally at my level I let loose a 'little' killer intent. Then I answered.

"He is not, was not a demon. You made him what he is." I paused and then continued. "I don't like you." Everyone see Garra cringe so... they were scared. I didn't care and did what I had planned. I took out a kunai, about to kill him and the next thing I know, there's a sword sticking through my stomach. It doesn't hurt, and I proved this by grabbing an end and braking it. The other end was then pulled out of me. I turned to find the idiot with a death wish and unfortunately, I found him. He was the one I was hoping to trust, the one that Kyubii, I know was hoping to return my faith in humanity. The person that I admit, had a crush on. Now I know for sure. This time, I won't let anyone get close.

What did I do? I killed him. The instant I saw him I killed him, all these thoughts swimming in my head. Along with him was the kage. I the turned to the gate and began walking. Everyone knew I was leaving this day but after everything it felt strange to them. I don't care... I shouldn't have cared. I can hear Garra's crying stopping now and he said something that made my lips twitch slightly.

"... Ja ne nee-chan" (... later sister)

After walking a bit I decide to head back to Konoha. Before I go there I went to sound and grabbed one of Orochimaru's notebooks filled with notes on the cursed seal. Wonder how they will all react... shit... I just realized something really important just outside the gates of Konoha... I now have the Makryo Sahningon. I guess I'll just use the same jutsu I used to make everyone think I was a boy. Damn, life's a bitch sometimes.

Now, instead of doing the smart thing and teleporting myself to the old man I walk to the gates 'cause I can't make ANYTHING easy. I'm just cool like that.

'**Or retarded**'

That too. Oh look! It's a Hyoga!... HOT DAMN! HEY! I just realized today is the day Hinata get's kidnaped and Neji loses his dad!

'KYUBII!'

'**WHAT KIT!'**

'ROCK PAPER SCISSORS!' damn, I lost. Guess that means we're helping. So here I am, a six year old girl running up a wall and just as I make it to the top I kick. HELL YEAH! I hit him. Now, I am surrounded by ANBU and the head of the Hyoga main and branch houses. Like I said, I just can't make ANYTHING easy.

"Onna" guess he means me. Wonder what Harashi wants. Oh, well... LAY IT ON ME BICH! "Thank you" dammit that's TWICE! "But," of corse, there's always a but "who are you." I stare at him. The fricken whiskers should be a givaway... well I choose to stare like an idiot untill the old man get's here in-now.

"Is everything alright? Harashi is your daughter alright is-" he turns and sees me and then there is a pregnant pause... Until Anko gets there.

"NARUTO-CHAN!" everyone is now like this O.O except the third and Ibiki, who just got there.

"Naruto? But we exiled him." the Third began to answer.

"One, yes YOU and the COUNCIL exiled Naruto and Naruto has always been a female." O.O

"But how, why is he-she here?" Anko smirked. Answering this time.

"She's here to give you bastards a shot to beg her to come back and stay, thou-"

"Why would we beg?" The council was now present. After a moment they all decided to move the meeting elsewhere.

ELSEWHERE!

"So, why would we beg." they asked me. They really are stupid.

"Hypothetically, if you were to beg for my return would you except my conditions?" they all nodded. They will be kicking themselves for that later. I then pulled out Orochimaru's notebook. The council just realized, they're screwed.

"How?"

"Easily."

"Why?"

"I felt like it."

"Fine, you are excepted back into Konoha" I handed to book to Anko "You will be entering the Academy-" they were cut off by a sigh from the Hokage.

"I'm afraid that's not possible." before they could interrupt he continued "It is one of Naruto's conditions." they looked shocked. The head of the Nara clan spoke up and because of this I was given full attention.

"Why?"

"Why would I want to protect something as disgusting as Konoha. My pure illusion was tainted long ago."

"When." that was a bit ironic but, I decided to tell them. Then they'll know to leave me alone.

"Technically, eleven years from now." It doesn't matter to me if anyone else finds out. I just don't care anymore. I just know, this time it will be fun... For me at least.

'**That's my kit**'

naru-chan13: AND IT'S DONE NEXT TIME MAJOR TIME SKIP TO GENIN EXAM OF ORIGINAL ROOKIE NINE-ONE!

Love peace and chicken grease


	7. Chapter 7

1naru-chan13: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! UGH!

sasuke: ...bad mood or is it that time of the month?

naruto: both

sasuke...

:meanwhile naru-chan13 went on rampage... lets just say shikigami isn't going to be back in the story for a good while:

hinata: n-naru-ch-chan13 w-why are y-you in a ba-bad mo-ood?

naru-chan13: YOU ARE SOO CUTE!

O.O

Anyway, I'm full out pissed because I GOT LIKE FOUR REVIEWS ASKING IF I KILLED **GARRA**! I said in the story even I DID **NOT **kill Garra. His dad the kazekage is dead and an oc that I needed to have for Naruto to get the Makru (or whatever) shaningon also died and I DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS ABOUT MY SPELLING!

gaara: yeah... and I'm still alive so... yay me!

DON'T OWN **NOTHING**

Oh the fun of living... yeah, I'm bored but, things should begin to pick up. The chunin exams are coming soon for the original rookie nine. Well, except me 'cause I'm not a ninja this time. Everything was quite interesting to watch, not that I haven't trained or anything. I just train more in my sleep. There is only one thing that has bothered me over the last few years and that is

HOW THE HELL DID I END UP WITH A C-CUP I'M TWELVE FRICKEN YEARS OLD DAMMIT!

I feel better now. Oh, and I bet your wondering how the Uchiha massacre turned out, right. FLASH BACK TIME!

3-years ago (if it wasn't then it is now so deal)

I knew it was coming and I hadn't told anyone. I was still deciding. You know, eni meni mini moe. I decided to let it happen. If the council gets pissed I'll just tell them what they told me "don't get in our way" and "stay out of konoha business." serves them right. .

Anyway, just cause I'm not telling them doesn't mean I'm not going to watch. I'm not sadistic, I just want to see Itachi use his shaningon so I know what to do if I ever resort to mine. So here I am watching the Uchiha massacre. And here comes Sasuke. He's cute? What happened?

'**Yeah! What she said**'

'nice Kyu-chan-.-'

Yeah Kyu-chan, and he is male but also bi. AND sex is the only thing on his mind... and so, my mind is now constantly being rotted from the inside because of it. Though, I have to admit Kyu-chan is creative. Anyway, Sasuke saw Itachi kill his parents. It wasn't that bad. Hell, my best days are worse then this. And here comes the shaningon... well that was informative.

There goes Itach, and he's running, and he's running, and he's running and he's stopping... Wait, why's he stopping? OH he sensed me. So there ARE ninja that aren't brain dead. Wonder what he wants?

He looks surprised to see me. "Your alive?!" the hell?

"Unlike them," I pointed to some random corpse on the street "yes."

"How?" ... this is too easy.

"Well, when a man and women love each other very much... or just feel like it in some cases they-" my oh so very informative speech was just cut off. MEANIE!X

'**YEAH! Didn't even get to the good parts**'

"That isn't what I meant and you know it." no shit... OH SHIT! Why the hell is he hugging me? "How?"

"I always knew you weren't into girls Itachi, but a post? Have some standards." yeah, I kawamaried my ass out of there.

"You don't know, do you?"

"Tell me and we'll see."

"Years ago, the Uchiha's attacked you. I was brought and forced to watch." I got bored halfway through, so I started to play with a random kunai I found.

"Dude, that was soooo old news. Get with the times." again, he looked surprised. "And shouldn't you be trying to catch me Antsuki boy. (don't know and don't care, you all know I mean that organization)" it was more of a statemen but, yeah.

"... I'll see you around Naruto."

That was the most exciting thing to happen and I must say, that is pretty damn sad. Though, it did lead to an interesting discussion with the council, and just as I thought, I was able to use their own words against them. Now, they suck up to me whenever possible. As for the rookie nine everything happened as before except team seven, who's third member died during their c-rank mission.

That leads us to now, I'm home in my the cosy house or, as Kyu-chan calls it den, that I carved out of a cliff. It's hidden behind a waterfall and there is only three people who know of it. Ibiki, Anko, and the old man. Anyway, I got bored so I decided to go and bother the old man, being the menace to society that I am.

I preform the hand seals and I'm on the old man's desk. There are screams behind me and I turn to find my old team mates. Sad. You'd think they'd get over their shock faster. Some ninja's they turned out to be. When I was with them their reaction time was much better.

(I wonder why)

"Ah, perfect timing Naruto-chan" this can't be good. Whenever the old man says perfect timing to someone, he's giving out an assignment they will hate. I decided to nip this in the bud.

"No."

"But I didn't even-"

"No."

"If you'd only-"

"No."

"Please, I'm begging-"

"No." Team seven looks shocked to see the hokage begging on his knees to someone they've never seen before. The begging thing is a normal occurrence for me.

"The council is even willing to-"

"No." did I say team seven looked shocked, like O.O

"Hokage-samma? Why are you?" Kakashi even put his book away. Weird.

"Not now Kakashi. Naruto-chan, please, at least hear me out." I know what he's going to say, and I'm going to let him say it just to see team seven's reactions. So, I nod.

"Thank you. You see, team seven has just lost a member of their team two weeks ago and with the up coming chunin exam I'd like you to take a spot on their team."

'**Can you say slap in the face?**'

yep, Kyu-chan is right. Team seven looked hilarious, now for the side comments.

"Who is she to-"

"I don't think-" that'sright Sakura, you don't think (AND she's the drool one)

"Hokage-samma, with all do respec-" he didn't get to finish.

"QUIET! Hatake-san, neither you nor your team gets a say in it. Well, Naruto-chan?" what to do, what to do. I guess I could start by adding salt to the wound.

(Let's all remember, Naruto may as well be a female Hiei but doesn't laugh and is more unstable(you know Hiei, from that time at yuyuhakasho, at the place... HIEI!)

"What's in it for me." with her voice and facial expression she scared them a little.

"Just take the exam with them and you get ½ million yen. Full rights to the forbidden scrolls and you get your fathers scrolls now, instead of your eighteenth birthday." O.O yep that's team seven. All the crap the old man said didn't even interest me except my father's scrolls, mainly because I died before seeing them.

"Seems the council will do just about anything to keep their precious _Uchiha _happy." They all sensed the venom when I said Uchiha. It was well known that I disliked that clan. Not because of that beating, (which isn't exactly common knowledge) but because of what some stupid drunkard, who happened to be an Uchiha tried to do. Of corse, this was when the clan was still alive, and I was eight at the time. And yeah, he tried to rape me, the sick bastard. But then, well, lets say he wouldn't be able to reproduce after that night.

Back to the topic at hand. Sakura looked pissed, god forbid someone say ANYTHING semi degrading about HER Sasuke-kun. Kakashi pinched himself to make sure it was real. Sasuke was giving me a weird look. I have been at the receiving end of many a stare and this, I have never seen. What's even weirder is that he has his mouth open slightly. And now he's drooling. Why is he drooling...

(Is she serious?)

'Kyu-chan why is the bastard drooling'

(Apparently-)

'**Eh? HAHAHAHAHAHA-**'

(-that would be a yes)

'We lost Kyubii. So sad. I knew this day would come. Oh well, guess I have to use my own methods to figure this out.'

"Uchiha-bastard, why are you drooling." All attention goes to Sasuke who is now trying to subtly wipe his mouth and failling. Then it goes back to me, to him and back to me. Kakashi looks amused, as does the old man and Sakura... I got it narrowed down to her being pissed or constipated.

(Constipation, lack of dudiation)

"Well, let's move on. Naruto-chan, here's the form with all the information on it. I'll pay you up front now." He takes three scrolls out. One is holding my money, another a certificate allowing me to use to forbidden scrolls and another that holds Arashi's techniques. The Kazama clan's techniques. I was also given the form. I was planning on showing up to the chunin exam anyway. You know, to see Gaara, kill Kabuto and Orochimaru. It's all good.

"Don't forget old man, I am not, nor will I ever be a ninja for this place." He seemed sad at my announcement and the others shocked.

"Of corse Naruto-chan. I have long given up on trying to convince you otherwise. But still, you must wear the head band." I nodded and took it. I started to leave the room. "Oh, and Naruto." I stopped. "If you could, would you baby-sit Konohamaru tonight?" That killed the mood. I decided to help.

"Sure. " O.O and so I left.

naru-chan13: hiya folks! Next chappie we're going to the chunin exams!

sasuke: I did not and would NEVER drool at Naruto

:naru-chan13 shows sasuke Naruto's description that will be put in next chapter...:

naruto: sasuke will not be joining us for the rest of the discussion due to...:pulls out notes: his mind being tainted by kakashi, ero-sannin and the wonderful world of icha icha paradise and... something about having a dirty mind? Du no...

REVIEW!


	8. Chapter 8

naru-chan13: AHHHHHH! NoOoOoOooOoo! NOT FURBE! AGHhHHhHh...

sasuke: ...random reviews?

naruto: random reviews

naru-chan13: but it was SO cute!

everyone else:take's one step back:

naru-chan13: it worked!

Everyone else?

naru-chan13: pulls out whistle and blows it. Since sasuke was at the center of the others they are all caught up in the invading raids of rabid fangirls:

naru-chan13: YOSH! Onward my minions bwahaha!

Ah, life is good. Why? I'm going to meet with my old team. Why is that good? Simple my stupid little kittling... TORTURE!

'**BwahahAHahAhaHhaHAha... hehehe. giggle**.'

'Dude, you did not just laugh... The hell?... AND you giggled! '

'**... no..'**

'Riiiight -.-'

Anyway, the best part is, thanks to my old mask I know just what to do to piss them off. The next time I'll see them is the chunin exam so there's only two things that need to be done. Piss them off and show them up!

'**HELL YEAH!**'

'You're starting to sound like inner Sakura.'

'**Shit.**'

There they are. And what's this? Kakashi is on time? Weird. I guess the little display with the old man being nice to me and holding me higher up got him interested. Oh, their talking.

"Ugh, Kakashi-sensei, we've been waiting for half an hour already. Even you were on time for this. Is that Naruto person really that great that we have to put up with this?" same old Sakura.

"I truthfully don't know Sakura."

"Hn... Shouldn't you have been given information on the girl." Wow. Doubt he's said a sentence that long before.

"Well... I tried but Hokage-sama wouldn't give me any information."

" I bet she's just some lords daughter, spoiled brat talking to Hokage-samma like that." Yep, same old Sakura. Time to tell her off. So, being me, I appeared behind her with no sound or poof scared them shitless I did.

'**I'm so pround. My wittle kit is gwowing up**'

"That's what you get for making assumptions."

"When-"

"I've been here since three." seeing their doubtful looks I elaborated. " I get carried away with training so I came here so I wouldn't forget."

"Why-"

"I figured at least one of you would've noticed." I said stepping away from Sakura. Don't know why but they're just starring.

'**Your** **hopeless kit**'

'But that's why you love me'

'**True. Anyway, what's not distracting about your looks?**'

'Eh?'

(Because Naruto is hopeless and Kyubii would end up having impure thoughts that Naruto would have to see, I the amazing authoress will be doing the description! Naruto is her normal height, which is fine with her. Common people, being short is awesome! Anyway, she's wearing an outfit just like Kuroune from yyh but without the hat and she has a chest rap around her chest, Her hair is long in a braid and is tied off with a white lily. She also tied the headband which, is on black material, around her thigh to hold the kunai case and shurikan case. And lets not forget her whisker scars that make look very exotic. Her skin is also nicely tanned cause she likes to be outside whenever possible.)

"I got the notice that you wanted to speak with me Hatake-san. Please don't waste my time." well, that brought them out of their little space-out.

"Right. Since you will be on MY team I felt it best that you spent some time with us as a TEAM." I wonder what he's getting at-.-

"... is that it or can I go now-"

"NO you may not leave until this is done." great, not even five minutes and I pissed him off. Good to know I haven't lost my touch.

"Calm yourself Hatake-san. So what now?" might as well get it over with.

"Lets start with a spar. Naruto, you'll verse Sakura." Time for Sakura to piss her pants.

"Rules and regulations." wonder why their starring at me like that? Oh well.

"Pardon?" sad.

"Any regulations. As in level of jutsu, genjutsu, etc."

"... you know what, lets just do the tree climbing exorcize." This was followed by complaints from both Sakura and Sasuke.

"You do know that preforming this exorcize increases chakra stores right." and now they were quiet.

"Thank you Naruto-ch-" bst to nip this in the bud.

"Only three five people may call me that and your not one of them... Well, four now." Sakura was going to ask, I just know it.

"Why four and not five." Told ya so.

"That person is no longer capable of calling me that now." and now they are quiet. Whenever I speak it always gets really quiet.

"Um.. Yeah, anyway I suppose I should explain."

"That is not necessary Hatake-san. I am far passed tree climbing." O.O

"... What level are you at?" that question took his students by surprise.

"You mean, what's my standing in the village." a nod. "As I have said before and will say again, I am not and will never be a ninja of this village."

"Why?" he asked.

"You don't know do you." it was more of a statement and I couldn't help letting some of my amusement through.

"I think I'm going to go have a talk with the hokage. The rest of you train for a bit."

And he left, returning in-

"Five, four, three, two and-"poof "one"

"How?" that was addressed to me.

"My business. Besides I'm only doing this to get those scrolls. The old man knows I'm too damn curious."

"But what about all that other stuff." sakura.

"I don't care for money or the forbidden scrolls."

"What about your family? Did they give the hokage permission to give you the scroll early?" that time it was Sasuke. Curiosity killed the cat. Since he desided to bring up my family, I guess I'll just bring up his.

":sigh: you people are so annoying. Even Itachai wasn't this bad." XD I love being me.

"WHAT!?" and now he's holding me against a tree.

'Hey, Kyu-chan?'

'**Ya kit?**'

'Is this considered sexual harassment?'

''

'...'

''

"HEY! I'm talking to you!"

"Sorry, I was just thinking if this would be considered sexual harassment." at that he looked to where his hand was gripping WAY too tightly on my chest. The others followed his gaze and they all turned red. .O.O "I'm outa here." and I left but not without telling them I'd meet them outside the academy for the chunin exams.

YAY! I pissed them off AND made them feel uncomfortable!

naru-chan13: yahoo another chapter done. Woot!

Everyone else: ugh

NEXT TIME THE EXAM BEGINS!

PLEASE REVIEW!


	9. Chapter 9

naru-chan13: AGH! FUZZY THINGS!

Random person: ... :makes a break for the door and a safe falls on his head:

naru-chan13: BWAHA! That was a mean reviewer. If you are to send a mean review three times then next chappie this could be you... unless you have posted a mean review already like some people. Then it's less... I AM good at math... Really

gaara: Three strikes and you out

naruto: or blocked

sakura: is that why MY wittle sasuke-kun isn't here?

naru-chan13: naw, he's on probation... damn brat is needed for the story...

naruto: the bastard

naru-chan13: awww, pet names:squeal!:

Everyone but naru-chan13 and naruto: WHAT ARE YOU ON!?

naru-chan13: what eva. HENCEFORTH MY MINIONS!

sasuke: ... henceforth?

naru-chan13: HEY! YOUR ON PROBATION! And I blame english class from last year. DAMN YOU ROMEO AND JULIET!

sasuke: ... you actually read through that

naruto: believe it or not naru-chan13 isn't brain dead. Close but not quite. She does really good actually. :looking through naru-chan13's report cards:

naru-chan13: I SAID ONWARD DAMMIT! SO ONWARD

sasuke: you said henceforth

naru-chan13:...

everyone runs out getting chased by naru-chan13 with a telituby. :gasp: IT'S THE EVIL CHILD MOLESTING PURPLE ONE! AGH!

naru-chan13: that showed them :looks at teletuby: AGH:drops the teletuby and runs away screaming: MOMMY!

Today is the day of the chunin exam... how boring. I better get to kill Kabuto and Orochimaru or else there will be hell to pay. I'm not exactly satisfied with just torchering them anymore. Just torture, you ask? Well, since I've returned to the village I either go in person or I send a clone to torment the bakas every so often. And if Orochimaru hasn't switched bodies yet then he should be missing his middle fingers. And Kabuto is now sporting a oh so stylish eye patch.

Anyway, the exam should be starting soon so the other's should get here soon... Ah, here they are.

(Author P.O.V.)

"Yo." they jumped back, startled with Naruto's abrupt appearance.

"AH! Naruto-ama, your as bad as Kakashi-sensei." it then got real quiet and all of a sudden some ANBU appeared and started apologizing on Sakura's behalf. That is, they were before Naruto silenced them.

"It's fine. Besides," she turned and began to walk into the academy "I am an ama, aren't I."

(Amabitch; if you don't get it go back to chapter... three or four. I'm lazy and it's your problem if you didn't remember that event.)

Both Sasuke and Sakura were very confused. Scared and confused. Nonetheless, they ran out to meet up with Naruto. When they found her, they saw her climbing the stairs to the next floor, ignoring all the shinobi on the other level, fighting about letting them in to the chunin exam. And, Sakura being herself caused their team to be at the center of everyone's attention because she just has to try to show up any and everyone, except Sasuke. Keyword, try.

"NARUTO-AMA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? THE EXAM IS TAKEN IN THERE!" Everyone is starring at Sakura then at "Naruto-ama." They found Naruto leaning on the railing, looking bored. She turned to leave, saying one thing as she did.

"Kai." and the genjutsu on the room was released. The one on the door and on the instructors.

"Well damn" that was one of the instructors. "I didn't know SHE was going to be here. Wonder what they bribed her with." everyone was curious, except for team seven who, looked mortified. Thank you Sakura!

"Yeah! Getting her to come to watch the exams is one thing, but to get her to compete! What did Hokage-sama do, give her the deed to Konoha?" he got weird looks from everyone. "Sorry, bad joke." all the genin let out a sigh.

"Seriously, the elders already tried that and she spit in their faces! What were you thinking?" and then there was an awkward silence... which was broken by-

"Are you coming or not." -NARUTO OR COARSE! "I don't care if you get discualified for being late. I already received my payment." Sakura and Sasuke started up the stairs. The other genin in the room followed after. Team seven's walk to the exam was interupted though, by-

"YOSH!" -if you don't know you are a sad deprived person. "I, Rock Lee would like to challenge you!" and he pointed to team seven. Sasuke stepped up and answered him.

"I except your challenge. I am Sasuke Uchiha."

"Um, actually, sorry. I was referring to Naruto-kun." That took the other two by surprise.

"Lee, one, you should conserve energy. Two, that-" she pointed to Sasuke, "is an Uchiha. He'll watch your moves and use them as his own ignoring all the work and dedication you put into learning and creating them." Now they were very... O.o...o.O

"Okay Naruto-kun! May we have a match after the exams or maybe..." Lee was now getting starry-eyed "COULD WE TRAIN TOGETHER IN THE GREAT COLABERATION OF YOUTH!" Ah, Lee. Can't live with him, can't suffocate yourself laughing without him.

"... My terms." it was a statement and everyone knew it.

"AH! YOSH THIS IS EXELENT!"

"YES IT IS MY PUPIL!" They turned to find Naruto next to a man who, looked like a bulked up Lee. Naruto, already bored with the whole, sunset routine began to leave.

"Gai-san." a nod, and she left, Sakura and Sasuke following after.

(You may be wondering why Naruto is being... civil to Lee and Gai. Well, they both work hard and hold honor close. They earned her respect... or something akin to it.)

Team seven made it to the exam room and Kakashi suddenly appeared.

"Y-"

"Gai in a speed-o." That was Naruto. After she said that Kakashi had a VERY noticeable shiver go down his spine.

"Never again." he told he, though it sounded like a whimper.

"We'll see. Anyway, your team is pathetic if they couldn't even see through a low level genjutsu. Especially since one was an Uchiha, and the other a girl who, was supposedly the best kunnochi of that class."

(Just to say, without Naruto the other two didn't have as much motivation to train as hard as they did last time. With the Wave mission. Sasuke was the one to sleep in and the other teammate died from Haku's sembon needles. BACK TO THE STORY!)

"Could you be any harsher?" Sakura asked.

"They don't know the real reason for you nominating this team for the exams, do they." Kakashi's eyes widened. "I won't say 'cause I don't care." he relaxed greatly.

"Wha-" Sakura was cut off.

"Well, here you go. From this moment on your on your own. Good luck." and he POOFed away. Both Sasuke and Sakura looked at Naruto expectantly but she just walked to the door, opened it and walked in. The other two followed. The room was fairly noisy, full of genin. Sasuke, being as perceptive as he is, was then glomped by Ino.

"SASUKE-KUN!" and so began the Ino-pig, forehead girl, pointless conversation.

"Troublesome." you too are troublesome if you don't know who this is.

(NOT INTRODUCING EVERYONE! Just to say, Hinata adresses Naruto as Naru-sama-kun. Sama because he father told her to and kun 'cause she wanted to. That got many an odd stare.)

The rookie nine-one was talking to each other and Naruto was... Somewhere else.

"You shouldn't be so noisy unless you have a death wish." The R.N.-O. Turned to see a boy with long white hair, glasses, and an eyepatch.

"Oh, have you taken the exam before? You seem older then us." Sakura asked. Also, this conservation had drawn everyone in the rooms attention, after the whole Kiba thing.

(Kiba thing. What Kiba thing? He didn't start howling, literally, marry had a little lamb...)

"Yes I have, seven times actually." Kabuto was about to go on but got interrupted by Naruto.

"Because you forfeited the third round every time, isn't that right Kabuto." Nobody knew how but, Naruto was suddenly behind Kabuto and Kabuto had turned an interesting shade of white.

"WHA-HO-WHY ARE YOU HERE?! I THOUGHT YOU HATED THIS VILLAGE?! YOUR NOT EVEN A REAL NINJA!" everyone was VERY interested in the conversation.

"I got paid to, I do and I'm still more then capable of killing you and you know who... Which I intend to." You are retarded if you said Volda-(naru-chan13 was then tackled by the HP cast)

Anyway, Kabuto turned another shade paler. Then a certain redhead that had already gained quite the reputation started in their direction. Kabuto began to smirk and said redhead promptly kicked him into some nice and soft sound nins.

"Ugh, Gaara! Why did you do that!? Are you going ag-" Kabuto shut up there to save as much of the plan as he could though, things were already royally screwed. Garra glared at Kabuto and told him something that pissed off a few people in the room.

"Deals off."

"Why you lit-" Kabuto was silenced by a glare from Naruto. She doesn't do it often and when she does (:GRIN:) ...yeah. Gaara walked up to Naruto and did something that would probably scare many a person who knew Gaara. Gaara hugged her.

"It's good to see you again nee-chan."

naru-chan13: mustescapethefuzziesmustescapethefuzziesmustescapethefuzziesmust-

naruto: naru-chan13 is currently hyperventilating but, you can't really blame her

sasuke: hn... :looks around nervously:

naru-chan13: FUCK IT! FURBIE MUST DIE AND BURN IN HELL WITH ALL THOSE OTHER DEVIL SPON MONSTROSITIES!

_IN HELL_

random... whatever you want: oh no. we are NOT taking anymore of those things in:a baby furbie jumps this victom followed by other things. Baby furbie begins to belch.

_IN ...NOT HELL_

naru-chan13: I was wondering where my baby furbie went!

Everyone else: HELP US! ...which is the lesser of two evils.

Hell with evil fluffy things

or

naru-chan13: I like to put syrup on my eggs

REVIEW


	10. Chapter 10

naru-chan13: **GAARA ISN'T DEAD****ཀ ****I THOUGHT WE WENT THROUGH THIS****ཀ**

everyone else: takes step back:

naru-chan13: hi yaཀ

naruto: ...

naru-chan13: ...

everyone else: ...

naru-chan13: ...

everyone else: ... THE HELLཀ

naru-chan13: ...

lee:(serious expression) so is the effect of sleeping on a couch for three weeks

naru-chan13: ...

everyone else: HELPཀ

naruto: can you say apocalypse?

naru-chan13: OoOoh pick me pick meཀ

lee: all is well with the world

naru-chan13: I said PICK ME DAMMITཀ

(I would NEVER mock the furbies or any other ttfsl- tools that scar for life- Fear is different. It's like sasuke and fangirl cults)

Well, this should be fun. Gaara just addressed me as his sister. Wonder who's going to go into a coma first?

"I put twenty yen on the snake." that would be Kankuro.

"Well I say his favorite sex toy blows his gasket." and there is Temari.

"THE HELL?ཀ" looks like Kabuto is the winner " SINCE WHEN HAS THAT _THING__ཀ_" points to me XP wonder why? "BEEN RELATED TO YOU OR **ANYONE **FOR THAT MATTER?ཀ" now everyone's real quiet. Gaara was about to kill him but I pulled him aside to explain that nee-chan has dibs on quite a few people in the room.

"Pay up ototo."

"Damn."

"Kabuto." he looks scared, I'm just going to answer the idiots question. "I hope that your seme explained things 'cause I sure as hell, am not." Kabuto got REAL quiet and, he now owns a blush.

"THAT'S ENOUGH MAGGOTS-ཀ" it's Ibikiཀ "And naruto-chan."

"Yo." now EVERYONE in the room is scared as hell of me... SCOREཀ

'**I'm so proud. My kit is growing up****ཀ ****:wahhhhhh:**'

'... o-kay?'

"Um, Naruto? So... that means that there is one more person who is aloud to call you chan, right?" ah Sakura. That forehead focuses on the most petty of details. Well, I, of corse, ignored her.

"Ibiki-kun, shouldn't you start. I'd like to get this done soon. You know, before the stupid rubs off more then it already has." team seven was shocked. Naruto made a :gasp: JOKEཀ

"Whatever... now then-" no one cares about this crap. Same as before except Sakura didn't start to put her hand up and Naruto did nothing but sleep the whole time :D

"Congratulations, if your still here then you pass... " Ibiki walked over to Naruto and bent down. "Naruto-chan, the exams over so get off your lazy ass." then, because everyone blinked and missed it, they were slightly confused to find Ibiki pinned to the wall, via kunai.

"Your lucky I don't dislike you Ibiki." everyone was taken aback by the statement. If she said 'your lucky I like you' then it'd be okay. Now, everyone is either scared or interested in knowing more about Naruto. Then, the window shattered. "Hey Anko-kun."

(Everyone else: O.o?)

"ALRIGHT MAGGOTS, I'M ANKO AND- hey Naru-chan- I'M YOUR INSTRUCTER FOR THE NEXT PORTION OR THE EXAMཀ NOW LETS GOཀ"

Skip to forest of death 3

Anko has given the little 'if you die it's not my problem' speech. Now, the real fun begins.

(AUTHOR POV)

"What to do, what to do." the other two (sakura and sasuke) gave Naruto a curious look. She, still ignorant... ignored it. She walked toward the gates, only to stop and bend down, picking a flower. She sat down and began to pick the petals off. Everyone thought it was the 'he loves me, he loves me not' thing. Oh, how wrong they were.

(YAYཀ That's the Naruto we know and loveཀ)

'Kill them now, kill them later, kill them now-'

but alas, they didn't know what Naruto was thinking. So the male pop. began to blush while the female became apprehensive.

Then something happened that would distract many of the participants in the exam. Konohamaru, and his two friends leapt from a tree, kunai in hand, headed straight for Naruto but, not before tossing out some sebon needles.

Nobody moved and Naruto caught all three of them by the scruff of their shirts and told them calmly.

"You know, I think the poison tipped sebon needles were a nice touch. Before the whole, charge in regardless of Naruto's lessons thing."

"Sorry sensei-sama-kun." the three responded.

"...I don't think I want to know." aw, now Sakura isn't being fun... lets change this a bit.

"THE HELL!"

"Now where was I?" Naruto went back to picking the petals and ended with a pleased look on her face.

"Looks like Anko is going to get that new snake skin bag she wanted."

Now, if you looked around you'd see two specific people holding their nuts.

"I just can't wait till I get to castrate those bastards!"

everyone else: ...

Sasuke: your ending it now?

Me: better then nothing

naruto: yeah! Besides, she's gonna focus on makeing the pairings next time, you know, the whole "I got abandoned and killed by everyone and my precious people on my birthday" thing is gonna finally take its toll on her.

Me: and I'm thinking of writing a inu/nar x over starring kags so... yeah

review...or not

CHEMISTRY IS EVIL!


	11. Chapter 11

naru-chan13: yeah, I wont be updating anything for a good while

sasuke: lazy ass

naru-chan13: …

naruto: YOU TEME! Don't you know what happened?!

sasuke?

naru-chan13: …

naruto: sigh you really don't?

sasuke: hn?

naru-chan13: …

naruto: her dad died

sasuke!

naru-chan13: …

naruto: two days ago

sasuke: the 25th, chrismas? Your shitting me right?

naru-chan13: …

naruto: unfortunately no

sasuke: …sorry hugs

naru-chan13: …

naruto: yeah, so updates will not come until she gets her life back on track, please don't ask for details on death

again, sorry


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